La Dentista

I’ve never been afraid of the dentist. I’m one of those freaks that enjoys going to the dentist. I even worked for a dentist, once.

Then today happened.

I scheduled a cleaning a month ago, and though D-Man has repeatedly told me to “forget everything nice you’ve ever known about dentists,”  I’ve simply chalked it up to D-Man just being another coward when it comes to getting his teeth checked.

Today, I should have taken it as a sign when I skipped out the door and D-Man yelled after me, “Don’t worry! You’ll have something to write about!”

But I rolled my eyes and continued on my way.

I should have taken it as a sign when there was no initial paperwork to fill out, where you are normally given the option of letting your new dentist know whether you have a history of teeth problems or other health issues.

I should have taken it as a sign when the cute little dentist girl maniacally picked up the dentist drill and went drill-happy before bothering to check for cavities.

I should have taken it as a HUGE sign when she said, “Now, this here is bicarbonate. It will remove the stains.”  WHAT STAINS, LADY?!?!?!  She proceeded to shoot what felt like massive crack cocaine at my teeth, which, upon striking the surface, was ground into a fine white dust that managed to settle all over my clothes, face, and hair. Then she shot some at my tongue for good measure and left it numbly scorched.

When the teeth cleaning was over, I FINALLY took it as a sign when – disheveled, abused, and dizzy – I stood up from the chair and nonetheless kindly asked if she had seen any cavities. Cute little dentist girl sat me back down and began poking around in my bloody mouth.


This is me leaving the dentist’s office.

Remember Powder?


When D-Man saw me, covered in white dust and wild-eyed, he began GUFFAWING as if NOW, of all the nows he could have chosen, his life was complete.

“You knew this was going to happen?!

“I kept trying to warn you!”

“You never bothered to go into DETAIL. Sometimes, DETAIL is essential to get the point across!”

“I told you. The dentists here aren’t like American dentists.”


[Grinning from ear to ear.]  “Así es España.”



15 thoughts on “La Dentista

  1. I love the picture. Personally I tell my dentist in Japanese and English he is a dead man if he hurts me and I have good teeth. Now I have to go there tomorrow to make an appointment. Thanks for writing. I am going to take picture of him hurting me in his little mirror with those blinding third degree lights. I am actually thinking bout blogging now about Japanese dentists. God, you are beautiful and now even making me think. Perfect.

  2. omg! omg! omg! My husband is a total dental phobe and I’m always telling him that the dentist is no big deal. Like you, I love going to the dentist and running my tongue over shiny, clean teeth as I pay my co-pay. To me it’s a day at the tooth spa.

    Note to self: have dental check up BEFORE visiting Spain :)

    I hope you’re recovering nicely and that in a few days your lovely smile will be back in place.

    • I think I remember your story! Didn’t you go in for a cleaning, the dentist took one look at your teeth, and told you that you didn’t need a cleaning and to go on home?

  3. LOL!! What a funny post Michi! I hope the dentist did a good job cleaning your teeth anyway….you know, albeit all the ‘drama’…. ;)

  4. Hahahahahahahaha! Oh wow. I absolutely *LOVE* the Powder reference. I started laughing aloud in the office and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

    There’s only one dentist I trust in SA… and he’s more than just a dentist, he’s some kind of specialist. I went to a similar “cute little dentist girl” a few years ago. She was more like an incompetent hag and did so much damage that I not only suffered for years but it’s cost me thousands to fix.

    My sis always says she wants to go to the US to get her teeth fixed. There’s some amazing Dentists over there ;)

    • Thousands to fix?!
      Even in the U.S., there are horror stories when it comes to things like dentistry, medicine, daycare, what-have-you. But I feel that if you look around and do your research, you can find an appropriate dentist, doctor, daycare, and what-have-you to fit your needs. Here, I feel like you’ll still get the same bare-minimum result…
      Then again, I’m still traumatized from yesterday’s events. I’ll give a different dentist a try in about 6 months and will let you know how it goes. ;)

  5. This was hilarious Michelle! It brought back childhood memories. I used to be terrified of dentists, until I found an amazing dentist several years ago, but he moved to another state and my search for a new dentist began. I went to one new dentist who said, “You have 8 cavities” and it was going to cost me around $3,000 plus…
    Well, I ran as fast as I could. Luckily, I eventually found an AMAZING dentist. (By the way, he asks for you all the time we go there).

  6. I’m sorry I am laughing at your misfortune there… but you made this out to be so funny!!!! I was laughing with tears in my eyes! :-D

    Ok…now that the laughter is out of the way……. POBRESITA MICHELLE!!! :-(

  7. Not sure where you live but the consulate in Seville has a list of dentists they recommend here. I had a weird dental experience here were my teeth were basically cleaned with a water pick and then I was tapped on the back and told how great I was doing with my dental hygiene. I wanted my teeth to have a crap scraped off of them. I wanted x-rays and painful mouth things holding my lips every which way. So I went to one of the dentists recommended by the consulate and they were VERY THOROUGH although it was extra for them to do an x-ray cavity check (hu?). Whatever.

    • I didn’t know that!! Thank you so much for the info! I’ll definitely check with the Consulate. I live in the Córdoba province, but Sevilla is only a 1.5 – 2 hour ride by car. I wouldn’t mind making the trip out there for a good ol’ (not scary) dentist visit. Thanks again!!

  8. Hmmm. I’m sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds similar to an experience I had at a dentist’s office in a certain third world country. Getting your teeth “fixed” abroad, I’ve learned, is not a good idea. Esp. in Indo.

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